Genie (2023) is, for the most part, benign, though it is largely lacking in plot ( a common inconvenience when it comes to YuleTubing), and it really drives home the message that some relationship situationships can only and finally be fixed not through emotional labor, time, and introspection, but through good old-fashioned sparkly magic and wishes. I am less than enthusiastic about that perspective on life, love, paternal responsibility, and the use of magic in general. However, if you’re down with Melissa McCarthy doing bits about being a fish-out-of-water or, I guess, a genie-out-of-time-and-place, then you’re likely going to enjoy large swaths of this movie. Plus, Paapa Essiedu, who, yes, is Genetically Blessed in a facial way, plays a lovely straight man to her antics and the two have a charming, buzzy kind of chemistry that will keep things from getting too bogged down. But the actual story about a man who has become disconnected from his wife and child? Well, that largely falls flatter than an under-baked cake.
Bernard (Paapa Essiedu) is trying a new twist on an old auction catalog while also trying to wrap up work in time for his daughter Eve’s (Jordyn McIntosh) birthday celebration with his wife Julie (Denée Benton). But, just as he’s about to leave work, he’s stopped by his finicky and fussy boss Mr. Flaxman (Alan Cumming), who insists that he stay to show things to some Museum Muckety Muck. Bernard tries to say no, but ends up saying yes. Mr. Flaxman gleefully eviscerates all Bernard’s hard work, and then Bernard arrives home woefully late, losing the craptastic present he got for his daughter along the way.
Obviously, his wife is less than pleased. There’s a reference to how she expected this from him and how he has screwed up before. She tells him to give their daughter his present for her, which is strikingly weird, because most married parents discuss presents ahead of time, don’t they? And then decide together what they’re getting for their child, right? But nothing about this couple makes much sense. Julie and Bernard interact like they are strangers who met on the street and were asked to play house real quick. Desperate for a present and not willing to just TELL THE TRUTH, Bernard grabs an antique box off a shelf in the living room, shoves it into a plastic bag, and tries to pass it off as Eve’s present. No ONE is buying this. Not even Bernard. I’m especially not buying this because what almost eight-year-old child wouldn’t have noticed a gold box covered in brightly colored baubles sitting on a shelf in her own house? That box would have already been in her room, under her bed, and part of sixteen different worlds in her imagination. Or, strictly off-limits but something she was curious about but knew to never touch. But completely unnoticed? Doubtful. Kids are observant human beings. This movie is underselling their intelligence.
Anytoots, Julie tells him that “what [Eve] really wanted was a dollhouse.” And while I appreciate that Julie didn’t just get Eve a dollhouse and slap Bernard’s name to the card, I’m also confused how these two grown adults with working cell phones have not discussed their daughter’s birthday or her interests before this date. I mean, get that girl her dollhouse AND hold Bernard accountable for his actions. It’s really not that difficult. Anyway, Julie also decides that Eve’s birthday is THE perfect time for the two of them to head Grandma’s house for the holidays without Bernard as a kind of trial separation. While Julie is packing her bag Eve informs Bernard that “Mom says you’re a selfish bastard.” Hoo boy. Really? That’s what we’re going with? Because it’s not cute or funny. At the very least I hope this child’s savings account for future therapy is well-padded.
Next, Bernard gets fired without any cause, other than that his boss is a total ass. He goes home dejected and rejected, has a brief interaction where Lenny the doorman (Marc Maron) invites him to Christmas with his cats and tries to get him to read a book about parallel universes. Then he goes home and sags into an armchair when he spies the fateful box, which he suddenly decides to give a quick polish (definitely NOT a euphemism). There’s a woosh of blue smoke that envelopes his head and out pops Melissa McCarthy! No, sorry, Flora the Genie, but strictly speaking it is entirely Melissa McCarthy doing an extended bit as Flora the Genie, so if you’re not into Melissa McCarthy and her brand of humor this may not be the movie for you and your eyeballs. If you are game, then let us forge ahead. Obviously, Bernard has a hard time believing she’s a genie and not some oddly dressed home invader and his bumbling schtick paired with her increasingly tolerant explanations are charming. Once she produces the camel he wishes for, he starts to believe that she’s the real deal.
After that, she pretty quickly lays down some ground rules for their genie-wishee relationship, which include: unlimited wishes, no time travel, no manipulating people’s feelings, and maybe some other stuff I can’t remember. Basically, Bernard can use Flora as his souped-up, wish-granting sidekick to try to win back his family, but he’s going to have to put in some work. I guess. Kind of. They’re going to have to do a lot of running around that looks like work. Meanwhile, as you can imagine, Flora has a lot to catch up on after being stuck in a box for the past 2,000-ish years. Turns out she loves pizza, doesn’t think iPhones are tasty, enjoys a variety of music, is REALLY into Tom Cruise, likes hand sanitizer as a snack, overuses air quotes, is quite bloodthirsty (but in a quirky, cute kind of way), has a wild fashion sense, and needs to apologize to Jesus for thinking he was making up the whole “son of God” thing. As I said, these two really do have a good thing going as a duo. Bernard is just enough fumbling, polite, earnest British man to Flora’s slightly over-the-top, madcap, pushing-the-envelope hijinks that it all works and you can sit back and just watch them vibe. Like when Flora offers to slit Bernard’s ex-boss’s throat saying, “It’s kind of my specialty.” To which, after thoughtfully scratching his lip, Bernard responds very sincerely, “I will go with no. I mean, thank you.” One part that made me snort is when Flora and Bernard are out shopping—because what problems can’t be solved through blatant consumerism?—and Flora magically changes her outfit to look like one of the gold Christmas trees in the store. Her dress looks like a flapper dress made of gold tinsel and her head is surrounded by a giant gold star. “Your presence is my present,” she says to Bernard, who points at her and laughs before responding, “You need to stop.” And then they run off together, Flora’s tassels swishing as they go, leaving the poor shop clerk looking utterly befuddled. It’s a senseless scene that’s there purely for humor and kicks, but it lands so well that I wish there were six more of them. Plus, it really highlights how well these two work together. It’s seriously what keeps the movie afloat. Well, that and Flora flirting with Lenny, which has also got something going for it, but somewhat less than what she and Bernard share in their platonic bubble.
The rest, however, is a shambles. Flora provides Bernard with an all-expense paid shopping trip so he can get Julie and Eve ALL the gifts, because nothing says love and changed behavior like material goods. Then she helps him spruce up the apartment and (this is key) swap out a framed sports jersey for a piece of priceless artwork that Julie would like more. It’s confusing why a guy who is so into antiquities would insist on having a ginormous sports jersey in the entryway to his house and wouldn’t, say compromise with his wife, but this movie doesn’t seem to value consistency when it comes to plot or characters.
There’s a whole interlude with Bernard’s family that is odd and out of place and just takes up space. Flora and Bernard have a run-in with the criminal justice system, which I really wish we could stop using as fodder for comedy in movies, but especially in holiday features. I mean, what is funnier than considering the idea of your family being incarcerated around the holidays, amirite? Just nix it. Cut it. Write something different. Dig deeper. The movie really sinks under its own weight and lack of charisma in the scenes that have to do with Bernard and his family, which is so unfortunate because all the people involved are individually appealing. And then, in the end, the writers just couldn’t figure out any way forward for Bernard other than to fix it all with wishes and charms and by breaking previously stated rules. I guess the point is that Bernard at least has learned from the experience, but it all feels pretty damn hollow that all his problems get fixed by the wink of genie’s eye and his wife is none the wiser. It just felt like, oopsie doodles, the rules get to change for men at the goalposts to ensure they come out winning. Did I mention how much Melissa McCarthy and Paapa Essiedu made me laugh?
Overall Rating on the Chronically Streaming Pain Scale:
Chronically Streaming 